December 31, 2015

Power Rankings: Top 30 Twin Cities Tweeters Of 2015

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Two years ago, in a half-joking response to City Pages publishing a "Top Twin Cities Twitterers" article, I came up with my own rankings. Despite stirring up incredible controversy and ruining many friendships I did it again last year. And now "third annual" makes it sounds like an actual thing, so here we are. Below you'll find my updated rankings for 2015 in which I continue to say "Tweeters" instead of "Twitterers." To anyone not on the list, you were No. 31 and just missed.

(Note: @BJFait was ruled ineligible for this list by virtue of her eyes being too pretty and her hair smelling too good, but following her on Twitter is one of the best decisions I've ever made.)


Neuman Twitter1. @RandBallsStu (Steve Neuman)

The Sportive co-host. Twinkie Town blogger. Good date for Jason Isbell shows. Tried to burn my house down with a Heggies pizza. Unparalleled commitment to bits.


Berry Twitter2. @_omgigi_ (Gigi Berry)

On loan to Georgia temporarily. Baesgiving hostess. Beard whisperer. Knows every local team's win total based on Papa John's discounts. Elite-level emojis and rants.


Wessel Twitter3. @DanaWessel (Dana Wessel)

GO-96.3 morning show co-host. Responsible for nearly every Donkey Kong high score in Minnesota. Has given me multiple pictures of himself as presents.


Petersen Twitter4. @JimPeteHoops (Jim Petersen)

Wolves television analyst. Lynx assistant coach. Brilliantly mixes old-school scouting and new-school stats. Responds to tweets mid-broadcast. Was nice to my mom once.


Krawczynski Twitter5. @APkrawczynski (Jon Krawczynski)

Minnesota's best all-around sportswriter. Smart, funny, plugged-in, even-handed, open-minded, and interacts with readers in a meaningful way. Underrated as hell.


Swamptown Twitter6. @CSwamptown (Clarence Swamptown)

The Sportive co-host. Spectacular forearms. Hates everything and everyone except Kelly Clarkson and Teddy Bridgewater. Straddles the line between insane and genius.


Floyd Twitter7. @mfloyd21 (Melissa Floyd)

World's nicest mean person or meanest nice person. Angelina Jolie of Mom Twitter. Known to make it rain with oatmeal packets. Emett and Olive wrangler. Fixit master.


Floyd Twitter8. @floyding (Zach Floyd)

Last year's No. 1. Hasn't slipped, but his wife threatened me with bodily harm over a repeat because his head got too big. Brad Pitt of Dad Twitter. Shadow recruit.


Hageman Twitter9. @ParkerHageman (Parker Hageman)

My favorite Twins writer when not busy fathering children. Constantly building dreams together and standing strong forever. No Juice co-host. GIF machine.


Manthei Twitter10. @HollyManthei (Holly Manthei)

Notre Dame and World Cup soccer legend. Surly beer hype woman. Hug distributor. Once brought a sleeping bag to a party at my house. Chilaquiles photographer.


Zanatta Twitter11. @Mike_Zanatta (Mike Zanatta)

Minnesota's most underrated tweeter. No one offers a superior combination of sports snark, pop culture humor, and glorious hair. Looks like Ginsberg, tweets like Draper.


Nora Purmort Twitter12. @noraborealis (Nora Purmort)

Still Kickin with incredible strength, grace, and humor in the face of personal tragedy. Mom to the world's cutest toddler. Writer of a new memoir you should pre-order.


Robson Twitter13. @brittrobson (Britt Robson)

Minnesota's best basketball writer. Timberwolves historian. Right about most things and more willing than most to admit when he's wrong. Great accent.


Rand Twitter14. @RandBall (Michael Rand)

Star Tribune digital sports editor, blogger, and silliness ringleader. I've met most of my friends in his backyard. Never played the game. New hair style is out of control.


Niver Twitter15. @tniver (Tim Niver)

St. Paul restaurant mogul. Twitter host with the most. Owner of Strip Club, Saint Dinette, and soon Mucci's. Thrives in the murky waters of late-night Twitter.


Ampersandria Twitter16. @ampersandria (Ampersandria Cochran)

Impossibly quirky and likable. Modern-day Jackie Kennedy, but with more Cheeto dust.


Lambert Twitter17. @MeatSauce1 (Paul Lambert)

KFAN morning show co-host. Never not trolling. Andy Kaufman/Yoenis Cespedes combo.


Brown Twitter18. @ItsTheBrandi (Brandi Brown)

Stand-up comedian. Coder. Tracker of people discovering the origin of Flo Rida's name.


Halter Twitter19. @mspbjHalter (Nick Halter)

Minneapolis/St.Paul Business Journal reporter covering the sports and restaurant beats.


Shortal Twitter20. @janashortal (Jana Shortal)

KARE-11 reporter. Once defeated me in a "crush contest." Justin Bieber stole her look.


Albus Twitter21. @jalbus (Jason Albus)

Photographer to the Twitter stars. Melissa Floyd wrangler. Lived up to the hype.


Jones Twitter22. @bianca101 (Bianca Jones)

Powerful name, huge smile, tiny human. Constantly amazed at things I've never done.


Brauer Twitter23. @dbrauer (David Brauer)

Minnesota's top caller of media-related bullshit. My go-to sounding board for grievances.


Guentzel Twitter24. @LindsayGuentzel (Lindsay Guentzel)

WCCO radio. One of only five humans my cat isn't afraid of. Cheats at staring contests.


Rupar Twitter25. @atrupar (Aaron Rupar)

Ex-journalist now in politics. Drummer. Fellow cat guy/beardo/Timberwolves masochist.


Welle Twitter26. @LizWelle (Liz Welle)

Paul Allen's favorite tweeter. Wore a beard of coffee grounds to be Drake for Halloween.


Matteson Twitter27. @solace (Kyle Matteson)

Just ceased being a frog. Lives, breathes music. Has an answer to almost any question.


White Twitter28. @amanduhwhite (Amanda White)

Real life is her live album. Twitter is her studio album. Randall Cobb fan club president.


Hummel Twitter29. @TweetsByCollin (Collin Hummel)

Way too good-looking to be this weird and into cats, but Twitter is (mostly) better for it.


Bonnes Twitter30. @TwinsGeek (John Bonnes)

Has wasted more than 500 hours of my life recording our arguments about the Twins.


If you read this whole thing and still won't follow @AaronGleeman on Twitter you're a monster.

February 14, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• I loved Jason Isbell's concert at First Avenue last weekend and Chris Riemenschneider of the Minneapolis Star Tribune did a great job capturing the overall vibe in his review.

• My jobs have forced me to be involved in hundreds of mock drafts over the years, so the idea of someone intentionally ruining them is absolutely hilarious to me.

Headline of the week: "Minnesota woman accused of stealing camo lingerie from Fleet Farm."

Paul "Meatsauce" Lambert from KFAN and Falen Bonsett from KDWB told the story/stories of how they fell in love and it's basically the sweetest thing ever.

• As a child of divorce I'm not capable of handling my two favorites, Ma$e and J. Cole, beefing.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we broke down all of the Twins' spring training position battles, including Miguel Sano, and then John Bonnes mocked me for a bunch of stuff.

• I didn't win the Vita.mn "crush contest" and neither did my personal crush Ampersandria, but Jana Shortal is a worthy champion for whom I was proud to buy Rumple Minze shots.

• This was the official write-up/photo they chose for my candidacy:

crush contest

Tough to figure out why I didn't win, obviously.

• My mom finally met Paul Allen and now she has a crush on him.

• Athletes in the Olympic Village are using Tinder, which sounds like the premise of a porn movie.

• I do a similar thing to Kate Hansen's routine to prepare for blogging each morning.

• If you've ever wondered what it would sound like if I hastily left a bar around 11:00 p.m. to be interviewed about the Twins on Baseball Prospectus' podcast, this is your lucky day!

• I also joined the degenerates on "The Sportive" for a profanity-filled podcast about silliness.

Jay Z and Beyonce win the synchronized shade-throwing gold medal.

• Speaking of which: Surfbort.

• I'd probably need to be married for a decade before sharing my Netflix password with someone.

• I guess Kate Mara is decent looking if you're into that type of thing.

The Onion: "Coworkers Currently Gchatting About You."

• Superheroes have never done much for me and I've always wondered how so many guys got so obsessed with them. This video might answer that question:

As a little kid I had that same reaction the first time I saw Jarvis Brown pinch-run for the Twins.

• Reds closer Aroldis Chapman seems like a lot of fun:

Finally, a few minutes before 4 p.m., the curtains lift and Chapman descends the spiral staircase to the pool deck. He wears sandals, sunglasses and a tank top obscured by heavy gold chains. He lights a Marlboro Red cigarette and flops down onto an all-weather mattress near the pool.

"Why so late like this?" Maria Caridad asks. "Why all this sleeping?"

"There's nothing else to do," he says.

I'm another 40 miles per hour on my fastball away from being Chapman, basically.

• On a related note, we'll be joining forces to fight against this ridiculousness.

• Remember that incredibly embarrassing video of Twins Daily blogger Parker Hageman of a TLC reality show from 10 years ago? Well, he tried to explain himself (and his robe).

• Here's a glimpse into what it looks like when I'm straight up balling at Stella's.

• Netflix recommendation: "Strongman" is one of the most brutally honest, sweet, and ultimately depressing documentaries I've ever seen.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "TLC Second Chance"
- "Best soccer cover for tweeter"
- "Maria Bello porn lookalike"
- "Tila Tequila high school"
- "Bearded Minnesota Twins"
- "Aaron Gl"
- "Aaaron Gleeman"
- "Aaron Gleman"
- "Aaron Gleamon"
- "Aaron Gleemam"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is "Cover Me Up" by Isbell: