AaronGleeman.com

• News story lead sentence of the week: "In one instance, a bar in New Jersey mixed rubbing alcohol with caramel food coloring and served it as scotch."

• Behold, the dumbest PR pitch I've ever gotten. And that's saying something.

• If you've always wanted to hear a compilation of Alonzo Mourning being mentioned in rap songs this is your lucky day. Also, almost every lyric was "Mourning like Alonzo."

• According to the guy who invented the GIF it's pronounced "jif" rather than "gif." I will, however, continue saying "jif or gif, whichever way you say it" every time I speak the word.

• One thing I know for certain about GIFs? They were made for Delmon Young.

• Never forget: "Brian Dozier is going to be the next big thing for the Twins."

• I take a similar approach to dating, but thankfully a Honda Fit doesn't cause much damage.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we talked a lot about Kyle Gibson and Chris Colabello, and then John Bonnes got creeped out by my choice of romantic music.

• On a related note, I've been spending way too much time thinking of intro/outro songs for the radio show. They need to have a strong opening riff and first 30-45 seconds and be free of curse words, which rules out a ton of good ones. Here's my preliminary list, in alphabetical order.

• I've been wondering what my old pal and former FSN sideline reporter Robby Incmikoski is up to in his new gig with the Pirates and based on this video he's doing a lot of dry cleaning:

They were nice enough to provide him with a shower too, at least.

• I'm in search of a new role model after this devastating news, but we'll always have Super Stan.

• White Sox left-hander Chris Sale is a great pitcher, but as a lifelong fatso reading about how he eats like a pig and can't put on any weight makes me instinctively want to hate him forever.

• Paul Allen warned that he had "a big surprise" planned for my weekly Thursday appearance on his show and it turned out to be my mom, three grade school friends, and a former "date" telling stories for a "This Is Your Life"-style segment. Here's photographic evidence of the story my mom told.

• And to think, I used to be considered the young baseball blogger as a 19-year-old.

• Hard as it is to believe, the Twins' rotation has actually been worse than last year's mess.

• I got a similar welcome to the NBC Sports office, except with cartons of Chinese food.

• Red Sox reliever Koji Uehara feels strongly about getting a high-five from Shane Victorino.

• Try to imagine one of the Minnesota newspapers running a story like this about a Twins player.

• Sabermetrics in urban planning? Sure, why not.

• Old friend Francisco Liriano is off to a great start with the Pirates.

• As someone forever nostalgic about 1990s music Target Field's just-announced July concert is intriguing, but I'm boycotting until Mase gets involved.

• This is easily the angriest I've ever been about anything.

• Nick Offerman playing Alison Brie's father in a movie is going to break the internet and "The Kings Of Summer" looks pretty good too:

Lots of other funny people in the cast too.

• Jen Kirkman, who's always a great podcast guest, has started her own podcast.

• Question of the Week over at HardballTalk: If you could have a lengthy but mediocre MLB career would you choose to be a fifth starter (like Kevin Correia or Bruce Chen), a middle reliever (like Brandon Lyon or Chad Qualls), or a platoon hitter (like Reed Johnson or Jonny Gomes)? I gave my answer in the comments section.

• Pamela Adlon, who voiced Bobby Hill on "King Of The Hill" and was in both of Louis C.K.'s television shows, was predictably a great/crazy guest on "WTF" with Marc Maron.

• Congratulations to Link-O-Rama regular Dana Wessel for his new gig with KTWIN-96.3, which adds a great producer and the best hair in Minnesota radio.

• In terms of Official Fantasy Girl of AG.com candidates, can this count as a first date?

• Positive customer service experiences are so rare that I feel like sharing one. Some keys on my year-old Macbook stopped working, so I took it to the Apple Store in Ridgedale Mall. It's my first non-PC and so naturally I was expecting the worst, but everyone there was incredibly helpful and friendly. And despite a 3-5 day repair timetable I got the Macbook back within 48 hours after the parts arrived and had a nice chat about the Twins with a Mac Genius who reads AG.com.

(If you're curious: He wants Aaron Hicks sent down, thinks the payroll is too low, and was sad to learn that I don't get to hang out with Dan Cole over at KFAN.)

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Can glass carry 150 pounds?"
- "Crush on Moira Kelly"
- "Kyle Kinane weight"
- "Have been lazy for 29 years"
- "Hardcore porn on Netflix"
- "Ryan Doumit shirtless"
- "Haralabos Voulgaris shirtless"
- "Al Newman clarinet"
- "What's the real news on Glen Perkins?"
- "How old is LaVelle E. Neal?"
- "How long on an elliptical to burn a beer?"
- "Similarities between Lindsay Lohan and Mila Kunis"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is a live version of "No Surrender" by Bruce Springsteen:

This week's blog content is sponsored by Ticket King, a local ticket broker that doesn't charge check-out fees, offers in-store pickup, and specializes in Twins tickets. Please support them for supporting AG.com.

Topics for this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode included the Twins suddenly living up/down to expectations, Kyle Gibson's timetable and other possible call-ups, Joe Mauer's ridiculous hot streak, remembering David Ortiz as a Twin, putting Miguel Sano and Byron Buxton in prospect context, more injury hijinks, John Bonnes' trip to New York, my trip(s) to the Apple Store, and missing "The Sandlot."

Gleeman and The Geek: Episode 94

In addition to the direct download link above you can also subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.

Here's my view of Sunday afternoon's game before the rain delay hit:

This week's blog content is sponsored by Ticket King, a local ticket broker that doesn't charge check-out fees, offers in-store pickup, and specializes in Twins tickets. Please support them for supporting AG.com.

For this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we returned to the radio at KFAN and topics included the Twins' surprisingly decent April, how wrong we've been about Kevin Correia, Aaron Hicks heating up offensively and making mistakes defensively, leash lengths for Trevor Plouffe and Chris Parmelee, shifting positions helping Brian Dozier, Mike Pelfrey's rough comeback from Tommy John surgery, dropping weight and licking palms, and shot-gunning beers.

Gleeman and The Geek: Episode 91

In addition to the direct download link above you can also subscribe to the podcast via iTunes.

Here was my view just before the show started:

This week's blog content is sponsored by "Hank Greenberg: The Hero of Heroes" author John Rosengren's upcoming appearance at the Minneapolis Sabes JCC on May 5. Please support him for supporting AG.com.

• Sunday afternoon "Gleeman and The Geek" is back on the radio for our second season on KFAN. Beginning at 4:00 you can tune into 100.3-FM or steam the show on KFAN.com to hear us live, or you can wait for the podcast like always.

• Photographs of what death row inmates choose as their final meals are predictably fascinating.

• I've often wondered how much pot could fit inside a Pac-Man arcade game.

• Yu Darvish is a helluva drug.

• What does it say about me that I grew up dreaming about getting, tried to get, and failed to get what is now deemed the worst job in America?

• One second before Oswaldo Arcia launched his first career home run approximately 1,000 feet Bert Blyleven wondered if he would be asked to bunt. So perfect.

• I would gladly have participated in Nathan Fielder's little freak-out-your-parents experiment, except my mom a) wouldn't care and b) doesn't text.

• I'm pretty obsessed with Twitter and like gaining followers, both for my ego and because it helps me get people to read my writing, but this whole thing seems pathetically shady.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we had two special guests on and at one point I tried to convince everyone that Doug Mientkiewicz is one of the best-looking Twins of this era.

• One of my favorite musicians, Richie Havens, passed away at age 72. My annual Opening Day tradition here involves ending my Twins season preview with a video of his great live version of "Here Comes The Sun" from 1971:

RIP, one of the best.

• It turns out that Tom Cruise does most of his acting standing on an apple crate.

• Try to find another MLB closer who engages idiots on Twitter between doubleheader games.

• Last week I ranked my top 10 baseball movies of all time at HardballTalk and tried to convince everyone that "The Sandlot" is underrated, so naturally Wendy Peffercorn showed up on "Mad Men" a few days later.

• Even better, the Twins and FOX Sports North announced that they'll be showing "The Sandlot" on the Target Field jumbotron after the Twins-Red Sox game on May 19.

• Stand-up comedian Rob Delaney is singing the National Anthem at the Dodgers-Brewers game tonight, and the recap of how that came to be is pretty funny.

• Netflix now has more American subscribers than HBO.

• It has nothing to do with anything, but this is my favorite GIF from "Mad Men" this week.

• Nate Sandell of 1500ESPN.com wrote a very good article about new Gophers basketball coach Richard Pitino getting into statistical analysis.

• In which Paul Allen suggests we go on a double-date at a Twins game.

• Of course A.J. Pierzynski was involved in this somehow.

• After years of playing through injuries and taking painkillers former Vikings quarterback Brad Johnson is struggling just to live life at age 44.

• Earlier this week I named Hannibal Buress as one of my five favorite stand-up comedians and he also does a nice job acting in this short film.

Fortunately that did not happen when I saw him at Acme Comedy Company a few months ago.

• Anyone who likes Elisabeth Moss on "Mad Men" (or liked her on "The West Wing") should check out the mini-series "Top Of The Lake" on Netflix for a really well done, slow burn mystery/drama co-starring Peter Mullan and Holly Hunter.

• IFC put the pilot episode of Marc Maron's new television show on YouTube.

• Wanna buy all of Bret Saberhagen's old baseball stuff?

• My favorite part of this week's Carson Cistulli-Dayn Perry podcast was 36 minutes in, when Perry tells Cistulli that he thinks podcasts are terrible and Cistulli tries to convince Perry otherwise by saying: "Aaron Gleeman listens to podcasts all day." (Spoiler alert: It did not work.)

• I enjoyed this video from the Sloan Conference panel about basketball analytics featuring Stan Van Gundy, R.C. Buford, and Zach Lowe. SVG in particular was really impressive/funny.

• Kelly Dwyer of Yahoo! Sports examined whether Stephen Curry and Klay Thompson are the best-shooting backcourt in NBA history.

• I answered a bunch of mailbag questions from Twitter. I'd like to figure out a way to make the mailbag posts a regular thing here without having to specifically ask for questions each time, so let me know any suggestions.

• We made some changes to the comments section and might have a few wrinkles to iron out, so check it out, be patient, and let me know any issues.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Is Aaron Gleeman a mensch?"
- "What to do if you're a 30-year-old kid"
- "T-ball lineup card"
- "Gordon Ramsay and George Michael"
- "Denzel Washington baseball"
- "How long should you fry wing sections?"
- "Sabermetics approach to dating"
- "Does Aaron Gleeman blog with his pants off?"
- "What synagogue does Jeselnik go to?"
- "Luis Rivas baseball"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is Havens singing "Freedom" at Woodstock:

This week's blog content is sponsored by "Hank Greenberg: The Hero of Heroes" author John Rosengren's upcoming appearance at the Minneapolis Sabes JCC on May 5. Please support him for supporting AG.com.

• I'm happy to announce that "Gleeman and The Geek" will be back on KFAN for a second season, beginning April 28. We'll be live on the radio every Sunday at 4:00 p.m. and you'll also be able to continue downloading the show as a podcast, which will be about twice as long as the radio show and include all the usual babbling you've come to expect. So you can tune into 100.3-FM, stream online at KFAN.com, or download the extended podcast version later.

• Buster Sylvester, Assistant Meat Manager.

• I can't imagine sitting on the toilet for more than, like, six months without my laptop.

• Grand Forks Herald or The Onion? You decide! (And that's after some post-mockery editing.)

• As long as Glen Perkins keeps pitching like one of those mythical "proven closers" I'm fully committed to making his dreams come true on a weekly basis.

• I still don't fully understand "weird Twitter" after reading Buzzfeed's lengthy oral history by John Herrman and Katie Notopoulos, but it was fascinating and funny.

• For a quarterback--even one known more for his legs than his arm--Denard Robinson sure throws a hideous ceremonial first pitch.

• Much like robbing a bank, the key to puking at a baseball game is to walk away as if nothing out of the ordinary happened.

• My weekly appearance on Paul Allen's show involved 30 minutes of Twins talk, plus "intern gal" Barrett Anderson teaching me how to craft a successful pickup line.

• Rotoworld was on "Jeopardy" this week:

And he got it right!

• Spinoffs are generally a terrible idea, but "Better Call Saul" as a comedy could be funny.

• I'd have dropped out of college even sooner if this existed back then.

• Finally, some local politics I care about.

• This is the dumbest thing in the history of Fan Graphs.

• Between snow in mid-April and "Mason" being the state's most popular baby name it's been a rough week for living in Minnesota. Aaron ranked 70th for boys behind names like Jaxon, Bentley, Asher, Brody, Riley, Hunter, Cooper, Austin, Chase, Colton, Wyatt, Brayden, Aiden, and Jayden.

• Denard Span has a plan to beat the traffic in Washington, D.C.

• Kelly Oxford is one of my favorite people to follow on Twitter and her new book is really good.

• David Simon explained how recently decreased Orioles catcher Gus Triandos became a very memorable part of "The Wire."

• I'm ashamed to admit how I excited I was to listen to this.

• If you're at a stage in life where denying a rumor like this is necessary things are going well.

• Hey, don't blame me.

• Hermits need someone to look up to and I think we've found our man.

• He'll have to improve his 40-yard dash time to make it in the NFL, but Jack Hoffman is my new favorite running back:

Gutsy play-call on fourth-and-short, too.

• It took me a minute to recognize her and then me and my Lindsay Weir crush felt really old, but I was glad to see the perpetually underrated Linda Cardellini on "Mad Men." I'm now hoping for a Samm Levine cameo, although I'd probably settle for Martin Starr.

• On a related note, this conversation with my mom has a little bit of everything.

• If you watch "Mad Men" every week you should also be reading the shot-by-shot style analysis by Tom Fitzgerald and Lorenzo Marquez every week.

• I'm basically in love with John Mulaney after seeing him live at the Varsity Theater last month, so this video was very funny.

• Should the Twins try to sign Justin Morneau to a contract extension? I'm glad you asked.

• If you're into sports or you're just a Haralabos Voulgaris groupie this video from the Sloan Sports Analytics Conference is a must-watch.

• "High Maintenance" is a funny, well-done web series about the life of a marijuana delivery man.

• Christina Pazsitzky was great on "The Crab Feast" with Ryan Sickler and Jay Larson.

• Fun fact: Alexi Casilla has the second-highest stolen base percentage of all time behind only Chase Utley. Seriously.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode I staged an intervention for John Bonnes.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Aaron Glee"
- "Anna Kendrick fake sex tapes"
- "What was wrong with Kevin Slowey?"
- "Fashion icons in the 1980s"
- "Cleveland hotel SABR"
- "Lunchables after gastric bypass"
- "Where is Sam Dodono"
- "Will skinny guys date someone who's 153 pounds?"
- "Mike Trout shirtless"
- "Jason Kubel's sister"
- "Tim Brewster hates fat people"
- "Does Sid Hartman still drive?"

• Finally, in honor of "Gleeman and The Geek" returning to KFAN this week's AG.com-approved music video is "On The Radio" by Regina Spektor:

This week's blog content is sponsored by Territory Train, which takes the heavy lifting out of planning and executing Twins road trips. Please support them for supporting AG.com.