October 17, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• Approximately one million people sent me the New York Times' "brunch is for jerks" article, but here's the thing: Combining breakfast food and booze is undeniably great. End of story.

• UFC announcer Mike Goldberg did play-by-play for the Vikings-Lions game and it was a mess, with botched names and confused calls throughout. Afterward he cursed out people on Twitter who were criticizing his performance, at which point FOX removed him from their NFL schedule.

• If this is true about Kate Mara ... well, then I quit.

• How much payroll space do the Twins have and, more importantly, will they actually spend it?

Martha Stewart vs. Gwyneth Paltrow is this generation's Notorious B.I.G. vs. Tupac.

• Congrats to friend of AG.com Dana Wessel for winning "Mrs. Arkansas International, 2014."

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we drank beer at 612 Brew and revisited our preseason predictions to see just how terrible they were.

• We also had Twins beat reporter Mike Berardino of the St. Paul Pioneer Press as our guest on "Gleeman and The Geek" two episodes ago and lots of listeners enjoyed it more than usual.

• Imagine if someone from England looked just like Aaron Rodgers and hung around Green Bay:

Tom Wrigglesworth is a quality name, too.

• I "took issue" with something a local newspaper columnist wrote about Joe Mauer and brain injuries, leading to City Pages' amusing recap and this brilliant "Douse Mauer in Gasoline and Chase Him with Matches" parody by Steve "Randball's Stu" Neuman.

• Speaking of which, one year ago Neuman wrote my favorite parody ever, including this opening line: "As night-life emissaries go, one could do better than Aaron Gleeman."

Maggie "Boss Lady Yung Mags" LaMaack is one of the most underrated writers in Minnesota, this time on the subject of using Tinder to date.

• The local chapter of the Baseball Writers Association of America gave Ron Gardenhire their "media good guy" award on his way out.

Andrew Friedman left the $50 million payrolls in Tampa Bay for the $250 million payrolls in Los Angeles and sent a goodbye letter to a Rays blog.

• I went to a high school journalism conference when the Final Four was here in 2001 and Bob Ryan's storytelling mesmerized me, so I enjoyed Grantland's profile of the Boston sportswriter.

• Believe it or not the Twins had many valuable players this season and I ranked them on my hypothetical team MVP ballot.

• Two all-time greats, Bill Murray and Howard Stern, had a nice long chat and it was very fun.

• You may not think so, but you'll definitely want to watch a little kid recreate Patrick Swayze's dance moves from the final scene of "Dirty Dancing":

I can do the same thing, except with Elaine Benes' dance moves in "Seinfeld."

Dax Shepard is one of the most underrated actors/funny people around and he was predictably funny/charming chatting with Marc Maron.

• I spent a week reading "Gone Girl" and wherever I put it down--on the bed, on the floor, on random places around the house--she immediately slept on it.

• On a related note, my power rankings of David Fincher movies:

1. "Seven"
2. "Fight Club"
3. "The Social Network"
4. "The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button"
5. "The Game"
6. "Gone Girl"
7. "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo"
8. "Panic Room"
9. "Zodiac"
10. "Alien 3"

I apologize in advance for not liking "Zodiac" more. I realize that will bother many people.

J.J. Hardy, whom the Twins basically gave away to the Orioles in 2011, signed a three-year, $40 million contract extension to remain in Baltimore.

• Thrilled that Tom Scharpling is bringing back "The Best Show" after reconsidering retirement.

• I agree with Rick Nelson's review in the Minneapolis Star Tribune: Libertine has quickly become one of my favorite restaurants for dinner and brunch.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Man who couldn't stop laughing at his own twin"
- "Sweet Martha's Cookies revenue"
- "Sylvester Stallone young beard"
- "What will happen to Rick Anderson?"
- "Jerome Felton's girlfriend"
- "What was Aaron Burr's sidekick's name?"
- "Jon Taffer pumpkin carving stencil"
- "Naked twins"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is "Take Me To Church" by Hozier:

September 26, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• Yankees announcer Michael Kay gave me a little shoutout on YES Network during Derek Jeter's final home game Thursday night:

And during the same game, on the Orioles' broadcast, they quoted me about J.J. Hardy's value.

• In terms of trolling for truth, "Jay Z was better than Beyonce is" might be even more effective than Keith Olbermann's anti-Jeter tirade.

• Wednesday's rain delay meant Phil Hughes finished one out short of reaching 210 innings for the season to receive a $500,000 bonus. After initially saying they wouldn't the Twins later offered him a chance to pitch in relief during Sunday's season finale ... and Hughes turned it down. Still, considering he set the all-time strikeout-to-walk ratio record in a season worth several times his salary and the rain delay is the only reason he didn't reach the bonus perhaps the Twins should donate the money to charity in his name or something?

Darko Milicic is done with playing basketball and is now a kickboxer. Seriously.

• For combining simplicity and effectiveness you're not going to find a better opening sentence: "Dale Decker is a man who says he orgasms in his pants over 100 times per day."

• Legalizing marijuana in Minnesota could raise enough revenue in one year to pay off Ricky Nolasco's entire contract. And everyone would be less stressed out watching his starts, too.

Lauryn Hill at her peak was an inner-circle Hall of Fame talent, but this is why I couldn't talk myself into paying $65 per ticket to see her at First Avenue earlier this year.

• I tore my ACL walking from CC Club to VFW two minutes after turning down a ride and one minute after mocking someone for slipping on ice, but this is arguably an even dumber way.

• Oh god. Minneapolis/St. Paul Business Journal has an article about John Bonnes and he looks all annoyingly super happy in the photo.

• Friends of AG.com and "No Juice Podcast" co-hosts Dan Anderson and Parker Hageman tried to show what it's like to pitch-frame a 100-mph fastball. It did not go well:

"You're gonna be on the whacking DL for a while" is a great line. (Also: They couldn't hit it either.)

• Read this Ben Lindbergh article about the Pirates' extensive use of sabermetrics and tell me the Twins aren't at a basic, fundamental disadvantage.

• Who will the Twins purge from the 40-man roster? Almost half of the players are droppable.

• My big takeaway from Mitch Williams' lawsuit is that MLB Network was paying him $2 million.

Benjy Bronk from Howard Stern's show is the guy who got tossed from Roger Goodell's press conference, which should not surprise any longtime Stern fans.

• My blog-mate Craig Calcaterra is one of 24 writers selected for Amtrak's residency program.

Andrew Baggarly is one of the best, most experienced baseball reporters around, but the San Francisco Giants are boycotting him for reporting something no one seems to deny happened.

• In addition to being dashingly handsome to the point of intimidation, Steve "Randball's Stu" Neuman tells a really good story.

• It turns out the new iPhones could be big news for schlubby guys.

• Chicago deep-dish pizza chain restaurant Giordano's is coming to Uptown, just a few doors down from Green Mill.

• Restaurant recommendation: The Bad Waitress has become one of my go-to spots. It's great for my fellow breakfast-for-dinner lovers and it's on Bite Squad.

• I still need two more owners for my "Hardball Dynasty" league on WhatIfSports. Details here.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Happy dirty thirty"
- "Ron Gardenhire contract"
- "How much does Joe Nathan make per game?"
- "Who did the Nationals trade for Wilson Ramos?"
- "Marney Gellner rain delay dance"
- "Bill Smith on Seinfeld"
- "Is Justin Morneau French?"

• Finally, in honor of Jeter's retirement this week's AG.com-approved music video is "The Captain" by Kasey Chambers:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

September 19, 2014

Link-O-Rama

Delmon Young is on a playoff team for the sixth straight season and he has a postseason motto: "Keep your booty loose."

• Stoned Oven Gourmet Pizzas is a solid enough name, but given the product being offered I'd have probably gone with something simple like The Pizza Joint.

• If you only read one article this week about having sex in prison, make it this one.

• Only twice in the history of baseball has a manager not lost his job following four consecutive 90-loss seasons, so why should Ron Gardenhire be the third to keep his job?

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we shared a few beers with our guest, Twins beat reporter Phil Miller of the Minneapolis Star Tribune, who had a lot of interesting stuff to say about covering the team and interacting with Gardenhire on a daily basis.

• Two weeks ago on "Gleeman and The Geek" we used the phrase "naughty postman" and John Bonnes jokingly encouraged listeners to send in photo-shopped pictures of me. Several of them actually did it, including me as Cliff Clavin and me as an adult movie star and also these two.

Charles Barkley's ceremonial first pitch at Wrigley Field went poorly:

And yet, still better than his golf swing.

• Wanna go golfing, support a good cause, and possibly win Vikings-Packers tickets? Check out the Todd R.W. Andrews Memorial Golf Tournament on September 27. There's a best-ball scramble tournament followed by dinner and a raffle where "all golfers will be entered for a chance to win tickets to the Vikings vs. Packers game on November 23." Proceeds go to cancer research.

Barry Bonds is already making excellent use of Twitter after joining last week.

• I'm burnt out on the Derek Jeter tributes at this point, but Bryan Hoch of MLB.com wrote about his coffee-drinking routine and it was a surprisingly fun read.

• After 20 years together the Twins have ditched the New Britain Rock Cats for the Chattanooga Lookouts, moving their Double-A affiliate from the Eastern League to the Southern League.

Rihanna is too good for the NFL anyway.

• NFL admits that brain trauma will affect one in three players and at "notably younger ages" than the general population.

• In addition to plenty of other sad quotes, Adrian Peterson's mother says "when you whip those you love it's not about abuse, but love."

• For some reason I'm entranced by videos like this one, showing all of Jose Altuve's hits this season in four minutes:

Altuve is on pace for the most hits in a season by someone other than Ichiro Suzuki since Darin Erstad in 2000.

Ben Revere has two home runs this season, which is two more home runs than I thought he'd ever hit, but it's still funny to read about the Phillies wanting him to hit for more power.

• As a "Top Chef" fanatic I'll definitely be watching Tom Colicchio's new show on Bravo, which will hopefully include some Gail Simmons cameo appearances.

• I'm less enthused about Richard Blais' new show on Food Network, but I'll give it a try because Blais is great and also I watch almost anything on Food Network not involving Guy Fieri.

• Friend of AG.com Mandy Lee is doing food stuff and interviews for City Pages. Perfect fit.

• New brunch spot recommendation: Libertine, which even offers Glam Doll donuts.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Why doesn't Glen Perkins shave?"
- "How did David Caruso lose 305 pounds?"
- "Get ride of Joe Nathan"
- "Brian Harper's brother"
- "Hugely fat guy on a plane"
- "Why would you eat brown rice?"
- "Jerome Felton girlfriend"
- "Chopped strategy"
- "Pedro Florimon can't hit"

• Finally, in honor of the debates about Gardenhire's job status this week's AG.com-approved music video is Irreplaceable" by Beyonce:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

September 12, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• Every night at the Arby's in Uptown at least one doofus tries to use the drive-through on foot and I've never once thought "I bet that's a fugitive."

• Can someone please tell Gwyneth Paltrow thanks but not thanks. We're all set.

Taylor Swift and Katy Perry are feuding over John Mayer, whose music I've consistently been mocked for liking since 2002.

• This is wonderful, but after seven decades together I'll bet they already have a gravy boat.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode I talked/argued with David Brauer and John Bonnes about whether the Twins' management saying "we get it" means a damn thing.

• I was convinced Ben Revere would never hit an over-the-fence home run in the majors, but now he has two of them and the most recent one tied the game with two outs and two strikes in the ninth inning:

Revere has hit .307 in two seasons with the Phillies, but still has a sub-.700 OPS.

• I want this 26,000-hour DVR, just for "Chopped" episodes.

• McDonald's has applied to trademark the word "McBrunch." Their mimosas could be interesting.

• I thank god for this every day.

• If you watch this GIF of per-capita cigarette sales from 1972 to 2012 it's almost like people realized at some point they weren't good for you.

• How does Danny Santana compare to the other standout rookies in Twins history?

Vladimir Guerrero has a 15-year-old son, 6-foot-2, 220-pound Vladimir Jr., who's already working out for MLB teams in the Dominican Republic:

Guerrero played his first full season in the majors when I was 15 years old. I feel very old.

• As a kid I had plenty of logo-clad yarmulkes, but Chief Wahoo seems like a bad choice.

• A lawsuit claims the Mets fired a woman because she had a baby out of wedlock. Seriously.

• Having been to many of the bars in this "The Best Places To Watch Each Pro Football Team In Minnesota" article it sure seems like they assigned teams randomly.

• Cardinals linebacker John Abraham, the NFL's active leader in sacks, "is suffering from severe memory loss and has been for more than a year." He is 36 years old.

Parker Hageman and Dan Anderson are apparently shooting video to accompany their "No Juice Podcast" episodes, which I can assure you is not something being considered for "Gleeman and The Geek."

Hannibal Buress was a funny guest on "Late Night" with Seth Meyers:

Fedora basketball seriously sounds like a great idea.

• Old friend Francisco Liriano and his filthy slider are dominating again, for the Pirates.

• My colleague Craig Calcaterra wrote a billion or so words about the "baseball is dying" silliness.

• I still need two more owners for my "Hardball Dynasty" league on WhatIfSports. Details here.

• My latest television obsession is "Property Brothers" on HGTV. Highly recommended and oddly addictive, with Canadian accents to boot.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Upped usages"
- "Hunan chicken Weight Watchers points"
- "Head-first slide"
- "How will Joe Mauer be remembered?"
- "Will Ron Gardenhire be fired?"
- "Hawk Harrelson net worth"
- "Kevin Slowey fan mail"
- "Weakness in baseball"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is the Mayer-Perry duet "Who You Love":


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

September 5, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• As part of a "brand survey" sent out by the Twins' marketing department fans were asked the following question via e-mail:

Twins survey

Those options are wildly optimistic for a team headed for a fourth consecutive 90-loss season and to ask fans if their brand is more "quality and luxury" or "efficient and forward-thinking" struck me as silly and tone deaf. I tweeted about the survey a few times and then wrote a brief post about it on HardballTalk. And then Keith Olbermann picked up the story for his ESPN show, giving the Twins' marketing department an award and giving me a shoutout:

In the wake of the Olbermann attention and criticism Twins president Dave St. Peter responded to the situation by saying, among other things: "We're not tone deaf. We get it."

(I was previously mentioned on Olbermann's show in May regarding MLB shutting down "Gleeman and The Geek" and other baseball podcasts.)

• My first question after reading this story: How did his owners not miss 43.5 socks?

Joan Rivers died at age 81. She was a powerhouse and a pioneer who had an amazing career with a huge influence on multiple generations of comedians. Watch her documentary "A Piece Of Work" on Netflix.

• This is why I've never worked in an office or had a sip of coffee in my life.

• Two years ago a minor leaguer anonymously called Chelsea Peretti's podcast and told his sad story of being a bust and blowing through his signing bonus. Tuesday he pitched in the majors.

Switched at birth: Ricky Rubio and Ringo Starr.

• Wanna join my "Hardball Dynasty" league? New season is starting and we need a few owners.

This week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode was recorded live in front of an audience at the State Fair. It was also our final KFAN/radio show of the season, so starting next week we'll be back to podcast-only episodes recorded at bars and restaurants around the Twin Cities.

• What happens when you give a little baby with hearing problems his first hearing aid?

What a smile.

• September roster expansion means a bunch of Twins call-ups and I profiled all of them.

• Mariners minor leaguer Jesus Montero took a bat into the stands after a Mariners scout heckled him with an ice cream sandwich.

• I'm feeling much less embarrassed about recently warming up to cats now that I know Howard Stern is in the same boat.

• The best baseball player of all time joined Twitter this week and his first non-introductory tweet gave condolences over Joan Rivers' death.

Mike Trout and Clayton Kershaw got me thinking about the best MVP "pairings" of all time, so I tried to answer that question.

• Bar Abilene in Uptown closed. It had $5 bottomless mimosas and was feet from my front door, but I actively avoided going there.

• It sounds like Uptown is getting an upscale hotel soon, possibly right next to Calhoun Square.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "How to lose 100 pounds when you are lazy"
- "Nick Punto mom"
- "Alone at the bar"
- "Chris Pratt pitches baseball"
- "Waitress jokes"
- "Analysis of Minnesota Twins baseball team"
- "Had Joe Mauer ever met Kirby Puckett?"
- "Where is the best macaroni and cheese?"

• Finally, in honor of the Twins' brand survey this week's AG.com-approved music video is "Fast Car" by Tracy Chapman:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

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