AaronGleeman.com

• Sad news about Johan Santana, who's probably my favorite Twin of all time and was such a huge part of this blog, beginning with the "Free Johan!" days and extending to his time as the best pitcher in baseball. AG.com began in 2002, from 2002-2010 a total of 121 pitchers started at least 125 games, and Santana was the only one with an ERA below 3.00. And I'll never stop being upset that he was robbed of three straight Cy Young awards by win-obsessed voters.

• Congrats to everyone involved for what is probably the best moment in journalism history. And the follow-up might be even better if you pay close attention to the photo credit.

• Crazy, sad story about catfishing, blackmail, suicide, and a Minnesota native.

• Turning an old ballpark into an apartment complex is absolutely brilliant. I want to live there.

• Headline of the week/weak: "Police called over man singing 'Free Falling.'"

• If you were house-sitting a mansion and found $100,000 worth of 100-year-old whiskey, what else could you possibly do?

• As a big "Parenthood" fan I already liked Dax Shepard, but his excellent, emotional story about saying goodbye to his father makes me a fan for life.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we talked Aaron Hicks and Drew Butera, recapped Saturday's big Twins Daily meet-up, and discussed why getting to second base without passing out can be difficult.

• Alison Agosti is one of my favorite Twitter follows and podcast guests, and this video of her, Kyle Kinane, and Nick Rutherford telling jokes to avoid drinking "toilet wine" is funny:

After watching that I'm more convinced than ever that we need to do a "drinking game" episode of "Gleeman and The Geek." You know, as opposed to the usual "just drinking" episodes.

• Baltimore reassigned 36-year-old Lew Ford to the minors, where he could be Triple-A teammates with Danny Valencia.

• First-year manager Mike Redmond picked Kevin Slowey for a spot in the Marlins' starting rotation. Redmond caught Slowey for 11 games as Twins teammates.

• What does the Twins' season-opening roster look like? I'm glad you asked.

• I made my triumphant return to Paul Allen's show on KFAN and after 20 minutes of Twins talk he called me out for not following him on Twitter as I warned: "I don't like where this is going."

• Rob Dibble was fired as a high school baseball coach after 10 games.

• Addiction-wise I'm exactly like Buzz Bissinger, except for eating Chinese food and queuing movies I'll never watch on Netflix.

• Shouldn't the goal be to spend as little time as possible in public bathrooms?

• As someone who writes about baseball for a living I'm not qualified for much else, but "full-time barbeque editor" seems like a job I could thrive at.

• If what Tilda Swinton did qualifies as performance art then I'm ... actually, I don't know of any famous performance artists.

• Important question from my childhood: Why did Uncle Jesse and Aunt Becky never hook up?

• RIP Gus Triandos, who was a very good catcher and a very memorable part of "The Wire":

Most underrated part of that whole thing? Officer Dozerman is a stat-head.

• Norm MacDonald launched a new video podcast and his first guest was Bob Einstein, who you may also know as Super Dave Osborne and/or Marty Funkhouser. It was great.

• "Aaron Gleeman loves him more than Mila Kunis and Julie Klausner combined" is big talk.

• Close enough, I guess.

• My super-cheery Twins season preview on NBCSports.com.

• I defy you to find a better picture of DMX.

• George Clooney, late bloomer.

• As someone who legitimately likes Pizza Hut's chicken wings I don't have much room to talk, but Mike Trout has terrible taste in chicken wings.

• If you love listening to Al Green's music as much as I do you'll also enjoy listening to Oliver Wang talk about his music and the greatness of "I'm Still In Love With You."

• Congrats to friend of AG.com Ray Henson for winning a World Series of Poker circuit event.

• Ron Swanson fans should listen to this, if only to hear how great/goofy Nick Offerman's real-life laugh is.

• Netflix instant recommendation: "Bachelorette" is pretty mediocre overall, but there was plenty of fuel for my longtime Lizzy Caplan crush.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Aaron Hicks girlfriend"
- "My nose cartilage grow is it normal?"
- "Delmon crab stick"
- "How much does Boof Bonser make?"
- "Pronounce Trevor Plouffe"
- "Nick Blackburn awful"
- "Does Kate Mara wear braces?"
- "Is Darren Wolfson married?"
- "Wild boar watching"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is the aforementioned "I'm Still In Love With You" by Al Green:

This week's blog content is sponsored by Territory Train, which takes the heavy lifting out of planning and executing Twins road trips. Please support them for supporting AG.com.

• I recently wrote a lengthy article touting my 15 must-listen podcasts and yesterday I had the honor of being a guest on one of them. I talked to one of my favorite people for 93 minutes and baseball was barely mentioned, which is another way of saying it was a fantastic time. If you like me even the slightest bit, check it out (and leave some comments there too).

• Next time someone says Twitter is pointless, show them this brilliant chronicling of life as a drunken, Dwayne Rudd jersey-wearing Vikings fan.

• Someone broke down every episode from all 20 seasons of "Law and Order" to analyze the trial results, sabermetrics-style. Hopefully the Pulitzer Prize committee has been alerted.

• OK, but did he like the restaurant or not?

• Now that the election is over Nate Silver went back to his baseball-writing roots to explain why Mike Trout deserved the AL MVP over Miguel Cabrera.

• I'm having trouble deciding whether Trout or Ryan Gosling was robbed more this week.

• LaVelle E. Neal III has made the big time now. Or again, I guess.

• Scott Baker signed a one-year deal with the Cubs after seven seasons with the Twins.

• Who can the Twins (realistically) sign to replace Baker? I'm glad you asked.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we mostly talked Claire Forlani and facial hair, but also found time for an argument that made me want to punch John Bonnes again.

• Manny Ramirez made quite a debut in the Dominican Winter League:

Seems like kind of a fun place to watch a baseball game, huh?

• Knowing what I know about both parties involved, this exchange made my week.

• This interview with longtime AG.com favorites Lizzy Caplan and Alison Brie was so good I had to take a break halfway through to compose myself.

• Old friend Torii Hunter signed a two-year, $26 million deal with Detroit, where he more or less replaces old friend Delmon Young in the lineup.

• After seeing Dave Attell perform live at Mystic Lake Casino last week I really enjoyed watching his two-hour chat with Joe Rogan and Brian Redban.

• Speaking of really good stand-up comedy, I'm going to see Hannibal Buress at Acme Comedy Company in Minneapolis next weekend. I invited him on the podcast, too.

• Royce White's rookie season isn't off to such a great start.

• My favorite part of Jon Hamm drunkenly strolling around Los Angeles is the hat.

• Official Fantasy Girl of AG.com candidate Jenna Fischer bought Casey Stengel's old house.

• Everyone getting hurt is bad news for the Timberwolves and good news for local pot dealers.

• I asked Twitter for post-apocalyptic book recommendations and then immediately spent $100 ordering them all on Amazon, leading to this exciting Wednesday evening.

• This look lasted less than 72 hours, for fear it was too sexy even during Movember.

• Chelsea Peretti's greatness is a frequent Link-O-Rama topic and her script-flipping appearance on "You Made It Weird" with Pete Holmes is her at the peak of her powers.

• We didn't know it at the time, but Twins fans were watching history being made in 1999.

• "Stop Podcasting Yourself" with Graham Clark and Dave Shumka is my pick for the most underrated podcast around and this week's episode is an excellent example of why.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Toddler found in cage"
- "Mila Kunis or Aubrey Plaza"
- "Anthony Slama deception"
- "Gleeman Cistulli enemies"
- "Robby Incmikoski real name"
- "Jerome Felton girlfriend"
- "Kevin Slowey engaged"
- "Minnesota chubby chasers"

• Seriously, go listen to me as a guest on one of my favorite podcasts. Money-back guarantee!

• Finally, in honor of the song turning 20 years old and me still knowing all the words this week's AG.com-approved music video is "Nothin' But A G Thang" by Dr. Dre and Snoop Dogg:

• It took a while, but someone finally put all this newfangled strike zone technology to good use and produced some meaty, worthwhile analysis. Ground-breaking, really.

• In fairness to Mike Francesa, most of the time radio is a lot less exciting than you might think and all of the time napping is amazing.

• Between this story and this story it was a banner week for my Alison Pill crush.

• This should be required reading for any Twins fans/Minnesotans/sane people.

• For my purposes this New York Times headline might as well be "breathing is bad for you."

• As a lifelong Howard Stern fan, this was a big thrill. Seriously.

• Ah, rookie hazing: Bryce Harper is McKayla Maroney. And also one of the best 19-year-olds in baseball history.

• My favorite headline of the week: "DMX says he would beat up Drake in an elevator if it were 10 years ago." Is there room to open up shop in an elevator?

• After reading about how few people are watching the Astros on television I'm thinking maybe they should just start a podcast.

• My advice for this week's Gleeman and The Geek? Fast forward through the 90 minutes of Twins talk for the last 15 minutes of philosophical discussion about aging and life lessons.

• This week's AG.com sponsor is Darrell Roehl, a fiction writer who wrote a book about personal redemption, nostalgia, and the Minnesota Twins during the Calvin Griffith era. And not only that, his sons are longtime AG.com readers. Check it out.

• If you're into mixed martial arts, this roundtable show with Ariel Helwani, Mike Chiappetta, and Luke Thomas is a must-watch:

I used to work with Chiappetta at NBCSports.com and the few times we met in person he was very nice and very willing to talk MMA with me, so it's great to see him getting to shine.

• As a kid I used to listen to The Fabulous Sports Babe, so Michael Kruse's lengthy Grantland profile of the former nationally syndicated radio host was equal parts interesting and sad.

• Speaking of Grantland, they lured one of my favorite basketball writers, Zach Lowe, away from Sports Illustrated. Bill Simmons has built quite a stable of talent over there.

• I'm in favor of making Chelsea Peretti all-time podcast guest, much like all-time quarterback in playground football, so her appearance on NBA.com with Roy Hibbert was spectacular.

• Brandon McCarthy is out of the hospital and joking about threesomes, which is great news.

• My latest weekly chat with Paul Allen on KFAN was filled with a shocking amount of baseball.

• Mike Trout is the first player with a double-digit Wins Above Replacement total since Barry Bonds in 2004. He's also a 21-year-old rookie.

• If you've ever wanted to play baseball scout--or maybe just go on record with your opinion of Ben Revere's arm strength and Josh Willingham's range--this is your big chance.

• I used to have nightmares about this happening to me in little league, so my condolences to Josh Beckett. Carlos Beltran is such a meanie.

• I can't imagine this movie not being great, just based on the ad.

• Someone please give friend of AG.com and fellow Twins blogger Nick Nelson a new job, if only so he'll quit giving me foot rubs.

• Dan LeBatard and friend of AG.com Jon Sciambi were joined by Jeff Van Gundy and Stan Van Gundy for a great discussion about sports media, coaching, and Dwight Howard.

• Back by popular demand, this week's most amusing, weird, and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Tom Kelly Zubaz"
- "Maddie Bisanz age"
- "Brian Dozier is so cute"
- "Who is the father of Diora Baird's baby?"
- "Aaron Gleeman recipe"
- "Darin Mastroianni girlfriend"
- "Liam Hendriks girlfriend"
- "Lizzy Caplan looks like Zooey Deschanel"
- "Minka Kelly baseball hat"
- "Anthony LaPanta hair"
- "What a pound of rice looks like"

• Finally, just because I had a random memory about a kid named Ryan buying me Craig Mack's Project: Funk Da World for my 12th birthday this week's AG.com-approved music video is one of the songs from that CD to blow my 12-year-old mind, "Flava In Ya Ear":