July 1, 2015

Listen to me on the “No Juice” podcast

no juice podcast

I made my annual guest appearance on the "No Juice" podcast with Parker Hageman and Dan Anderson. We discussed Byron Buxton and Brian Dozier, but mostly veered away from the Twins to cover hard-hitting topics like cargo shorts, bachelorette parties and Vince Vaughn. I think you'll like the episode, because we had fun recording it.

"No Juice" podcast with Aaron Gleeman

And of course you can still listen to this week's episode of my own podcast, on which we spent 90 solid minutes talking about the Twins.

December 31, 2014

Power Rankings: Top 30 Twin Cities Tweeters Of 2014

twitter follow me

I guess this is an annual thing now. Last year, in response to Maggie LaMaack ranking the "Top 20 Twin Cities Twitterers" for a City Pages article, I did my own ranking. Sure, it was controversial and ruined many friendships, but it also got people to step up their Twitter game. And that's all we should care about in this world, really. Anyway, below you'll find my updated rankings for 2014 in which I continue to say "Tweeters" instead of "Twitterers" and have expanded the list to 30.

(Note: @BJFait has been ruled ineligible for this list because her cat lives with me, but she is very funny on Twitter and also has very pretty eyes in real life. Everyone should follow her.)


Floyd Twitter1. @floyding (Zach Floyd)

Most underrated tweeter in Minnesota. Husband, father, friend of Ted Nugent. Lots of Louis C.K.-style parenting observations, but with visuals of the monsters.


Nora Purmort Twitter2. @noraborealis (Nora Purmort)

Wrote bravely, beautifully, and humorously about husband Aaron Purmort's battle with cancer and death. Mother of the world's cutest Instagram star, Ralphie.


Wessel Twitter3. @DanaWessel (Dana Wessel)

KTWIN-96.3 producer. Soccer weirdo. Bruce Springsteen aficionado. Runner of bits into the ground. No one looks better in a bandana.


Hageman Twitter4. @ParkerHageman (Parker Hageman)

Twins Daily blogger. Co-host of No Juice podcast. Go-to for scouting- and GIF-based Twins analysis. Live-tweeter of wife's driving. In possession of my elliptical machine.


Neuman Twitter5. @RandBallsStu (Steve Neuman)

Twitter-shaking switch from pseudonym to real name didn't cost any comedy. Runner of the Infinite Guest podcast network. Twinkie Town blogger. Packers fan troller.


Cameron Twitter6. @iamaromancer (Maria Cameron)

Deserves a much bigger Twitter following. Extremely funny, but also regularly writes poignant longer-form stuff. Questionable taste in boyfriends.


Swamptown Twitter7. @CSwamptown (Clarence Swamptown)

Co-host of The Sportive podcast. Rarely comes out of hiding, never reveals his real identity. Hater of tacos. Lover of firing everyone. Payroll whiner.


Rand Twitter8. @RandBall (Michael Rand)

The sun around which Minnesota's weird sports Twitter world revolves. Star Tribune digital sports editor and blogger. Elite baby/dog combo. Never played the game.


Zanatta Twitter9. @Mike_Zanatta (Mike Zanatta)

Best hair in the business. Big fan of the Timberwolves and doing pull-ups in front of windows. Pound for pound the Twin Cities' funniest sports tweeter.


LaMaack Twitter10. @MaggieLaMaack (Maggie LaMaack)

Publicist, writer, LOLOMG blog editor. Having more fun than her face suggests. Tinder savant. Upper Midwest mini corn dog-eating champion. Taylor Swift of Uptown.


Perkins Twitter11. @glenperkins (Glen Perkins)

Twins closer. Saved the All-Star game for the AL. Loves to interact with fans and fanboy bloggers. Very handsome, according to what my girlfriend says constantly.


Berry Twitter12. @_omgigi_ (Gigi Berry)

Minnesota's answer to Beyoncé, but with less Jay Z and more pizza. Always looking for bearded baes, never follicle flops. Elite emoji-ing.


Krawczynski Twitter13. @APkrawczynski (Jon Krawczynski)

Associated Press basketball, baseball, and football reporter. Not the guy from "The Office." Deserves less criticism than anyone, takes criticism better than everyone.


Ampersandria Twitter14. @ampersandria (Ampersandria Ya Dummy)

Transported here from a bygone era by the comedy gods. When not in the sky, can be found at a thrift store with wings on her eyes and hot Cheetos in her mouth.


Rupar Twitter15. @atrupar (Aaron Rupar)

FOX-9 reporter, ex-City Pages blogger. Liquor Lyle's regular. Timberwolves fan. Scarf-wearer. Repressed beardo. Our best mix of actual journalism and online silliness.


Welle Twitter16. @LizWelle (Liz Welle)

Burrito lover. Puts her hair up to prepare for eating chicken wings. Legend's legend.


Lambert Twitter17. @MeatSauce1 (Paul Lambert)

KFAN-100.3 morning show co-host, nicest person in radio. Anti-trolling troll. He wails.


Heidi Twitter18. @heidi_ugh (Heidi Ugh)

Comedy skills matched only by family's Coors Light-drinking skills. Nice to old people.


Brauer Twitter19. @dbrauer (David Brauer)

Veteran guru of local media landscape. Deservedly skeptical Twins season ticket holder.


Weisenberger Twitter20. @foyobli (Megan Weisenberger)

High school volleyball superstar. Lives life one brand at a time. Tweeter of good links.


Wolfson Twitter21. @DarrenWolfson (Darren Wolfson)

KSTP-5 and 1500-ESPN regular. Frequent scoop-getter. My mom's favorite on this list.


Rayno Twitter22. @AmeliaRayno (Amelia Rayno)

Star Tribune college basketball reporter. Bourbon drinker. Non-stop Bigfoot hunter.


Guentzel Twitter23. @LindsayGuentzel (Lindsay Guentzel)

Radio and TV host. Stella's regular. Cat/wine lady. Turns old furniture into antiques.


MFloyd Twitter24. @mfloyd21 (Melissa Floyd)

World's nicest mean person. Great taste in husbands. Biff Tannen to my Marty McFly.


Nelson Twitter25. @nnelson9 (Nick Nelson)

Twins Daily blogger. White rapper. Bad at Snapchat. Bullies people enjoying cat photos.


Marthaler Twitter26. @jmarthaler (Jon Marthaler)

The Sportive podcast ringleader. Star Tribune soccer blogger. Local sports masochist.


Jones Twitter27. @bianca101 (Bianca Jones)

World's smallest person with biggest-sounding name. WWE weirdo. Drinker of bad beer.


Berardino Twitter28. @MikeBerardino (Mike Berardino)

Pioneer Press reporter. Called "a prick" by Torii Hunter. Produces most Twins content.


29. @bbroxey (Brandon Broxey)Broxey Twitter

Moved from Texas just for this list. The Sportive podcast co-host. Tight pants wearer.


Bonnes Twitter30. @TwinsGeek (John Bonnes)

Took me out for milkshakes when I was 19 years old and now won't leave me alone.


If you read this whole thing and still won't follow @AaronGleeman on Twitter you're a monster.

December 5, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• At the press conference announcing his $10.5 million contract Torii Hunter used the "those nerds never played the game" cliche when asked about his terrible defensive numbers and then called Mike Berardino of the St. Paul Pioneer Press "a prick" four different times in response to questions about Hunter's very public and repeated stance against gay rights. As if there weren't already enough reasons to question to wisdom of signing him for purely on-field reasons.

Parker Hageman of Twins Daily went inside the numbers to show why Hunter's defense rates so poorly, including video of specific plays. Hageman played the game in high school, so not sure if that counts or what.

Aaron Purmort died at age 35, leaving behind a great wife, a great son, and a community who loved him online and in person. He also went out with the best obituary I've ever seen.

• Wanna buy Jonathan Papelbon's condo? It costs $7 million and includes zero colors.

• This is probably one of the top 10 signs someone has posted in the elevator of my building during the 10 months I've lived here.

Chris Cillizza of the Washington Post raised a lot of good points in arguing against the need for online comment sections attached to articles.

Jerry Kill was named Big Ten coach of the year just 15 months after Minneapolis Star Tribune columnist Jim Souhan wrote that he shouldn't be allowed to coach the Gophers.

• This review of the new "America" restaurant at Donald Trump's hotel in Toronto is pure gold.

• Out of shape amateur MMA fighter tries the "Showtime" kick made famous by Anthony Pettis:

Some might say he failed, but failure is subjective anyway.

Josh Willingham announced his retirement, two months after his wife got mad at Berardino for reporting he planned to retire.

Dave Brown made his Fan Graphs debut writing about Willingham being the losing-est player.

• As someone who prefers staying home over just about anything movie theaters trying to be more like your living room is intriguing. But it'll never compete with not leaving the house.

Chris Rock gave a lot of interesting answers in a long, wide-ranging interview with Frank Rich.

Fran Tarkenton is never going to make the baseball Hall of Fame after admitting this stuff.

• It turns out the Twins' new coaching staff looks awfully familiar.

• If given the chance, how many MLB teams would wipe the slate clean and rid themselves of all contracts on the books? I think the Twins would likely be one of the them, despite Phil Hughes.

• Two of my favorites, Todd Barry and Tom Scharpling, sat down for a good chat.

• Scharpling is bringing "The Best Show On WFMU" back, minus WFMU, as a podcast.

• For the second time in three months the Minneapolis Star Tribune published an anti-transgender ad that never would have been accepted if it depicted any other minority group.

Gerald Green had one of the best in-game dunks you'll ever see:

And he's playing well for the Suns after looking like a bust early in his career.

• As expected, I crushed Michael Rand in the Minneapolis Star Tribune fantasy football challenge.

• Coup d'etat has good fries, gnocchi, fish and chips, and whiskey. Joy Summers wrote a good article about their one-year anniversary in Uptown, including guys like me asking for more TVs.

• My pick for Minneapolis' most underrated restaurant, Louie's Wine Dive, got a nice write-up centered around their chef, Patrick Matthews.

• "Gilmore Girls" watching update: Jon Hamm was on an episode in Season 3.

• Heyday is a fantastic restaurant and I'm sure that will remain true, but seeing Lorin Zinter's smiling face was a big part of the experience.

• Nye's Polonaise is closing after 65 years as a Northeast Minneapolis staple.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Aaron Gleeman in a bear suit"
- "Naked parties"
- "Paul Molitor's wife"
- "Snoop Dogg and Eddie Guardado"
- "Fred Durst baseball"
- "Angelina Jolie in Minnesota"
- "Where is Scott Ullger now?"
- "Lizzie Caplan smokes Marlboro lights"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is "Best That I Can" by Vance Joy:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

November 21, 2014

Link-O-Rama

Nora Purmort and Aaron Purmort are sort of the official couple of Twin Cities Twitter. They are beloved, both online and in person, and their young son Ralphie Purmort is an Instagram superstar because he's basically the cutest kid of all time. Aaron was diagnosed with a brain tumor shortly after they got married and Nora has been writing honestly, openly, and humorously about their life together in a way that is truly inspiring.

Now they need your help. Aaron's condition has worsened to the point that treatment has stopped working and he's entered into hospice care at home. He's dying. At the urging of her sister Nora has set up an online fundraiser via which people can donate money to help a great family in need. So go read the archives of Nora's blog, My Husband's Tumor, which is well-written and sad and touching and funny. And then go donate whatever you can to help them. Please.

• Friend of AG.com Maggie LaMaack interviewed Aaron Purmort, who said: "I think I am the first person on LOL/OMG to be interviewed on his death bed."

• Great headline, with an even better mugshot: "Drunken bicyclist arrested at Taco Bell drive-through after tussle with cops."

• For just $60 (and a flight to Oregon) you can get an hour-long cuddling session that includes "hair strokes, hand-holding, and a plethora of different cuddle positions."

• "The Voice" contacted Jason Isbell about auditioning for their show, which is like if a Triple-A team contacted Mike Trout to see if he wanted to try out as a shortstop.

Helluva legal system when admitting to regularly ejaculating into a co-worker's coffee doesn't result in a clear, immediate means for punishment.

• On this week's "Gleeman and The Geek" episode we examined the Twins' options for finding an outfielder in free agency and reviewed Fritos Chili pizza.

• On a related note, this is either performance art of the person who cut it is insane.

• Wisconsin running back Melvin Gordon set the college record with 408 rushing yards and did so in just three quarters against Nebraska, but more importantly he got a Tecmo Bowl reenactment:

I miss Tecmo Bowl in my life.

• As a new "Scandal" watcher I hope they cast Rihanna in a guest role and she dates Joshua Malina's character.

• There are seven arbitration-eligible players on the Twins' roster and December 2 is the deadline to tender them contracts for 2015, so I tried to figure out what they should do with each one.

• Baseball America released its annual list of the Twins' top 10 prospects, with the same top five as last year in a slightly different order.

• An example of why Parker Hageman of Twins Daily is so good: He breaks down potential Twins target Justin Masterson using stats, scouting, quotes, and video.

Mike Wise is the latest old white dude to make me sad about eventually becoming one myself.

Marilyn Manson is doing a concert at Mystic Lake casino in February. Imagine that crowd.

Chelsea Peretti's new stand-up special "One of the Greats" is on Netflix and it's predictably fantastic, with lots of funny/weird Easter Egg-type stuff thrown in.

• One of my favorite comedians, John Mulaney, was a good guest on "WTF" with Marc Maron.

• Restaurant recommendation: Black Sheep Pizza in North Loop lived up to the considerable hype.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Highland Park robbery video"
- "Baseball movie with Gilbert Gottfried"
- "Eddie Guardado speaks Spanish"
- "Snoop Dogg jet"
- "Drew Butera girlfriend"
- "Chelsea Peretti dating Denzel Washington"
- "Torii Hunter not such a great guy"

• Finally, this week's AG.com-approved music video is Isbell doing a live version of "Cover Me Up" on November 18:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

September 26, 2014

Link-O-Rama

• Yankees announcer Michael Kay gave me a little shoutout on YES Network during Derek Jeter's final home game Thursday night:

And during the same game, on the Orioles' broadcast, they quoted me about J.J. Hardy's value.

• In terms of trolling for truth, "Jay Z was better than Beyonce is" might be even more effective than Keith Olbermann's anti-Jeter tirade.

• Wednesday's rain delay meant Phil Hughes finished one out short of reaching 210 innings for the season to receive a $500,000 bonus. After initially saying they wouldn't the Twins later offered him a chance to pitch in relief during Sunday's season finale ... and Hughes turned it down. Still, considering he set the all-time strikeout-to-walk ratio record in a season worth several times his salary and the rain delay is the only reason he didn't reach the bonus perhaps the Twins should donate the money to charity in his name or something?

Darko Milicic is done with playing basketball and is now a kickboxer. Seriously.

• For combining simplicity and effectiveness you're not going to find a better opening sentence: "Dale Decker is a man who says he orgasms in his pants over 100 times per day."

• Legalizing marijuana in Minnesota could raise enough revenue in one year to pay off Ricky Nolasco's entire contract. And everyone would be less stressed out watching his starts, too.

Lauryn Hill at her peak was an inner-circle Hall of Fame talent, but this is why I couldn't talk myself into paying $65 per ticket to see her at First Avenue earlier this year.

• I tore my ACL walking from CC Club to VFW two minutes after turning down a ride and one minute after mocking someone for slipping on ice, but this is arguably an even dumber way.

• Oh god. Minneapolis/St. Paul Business Journal has an article about John Bonnes and he looks all annoyingly super happy in the photo.

• Friends of AG.com and "No Juice Podcast" co-hosts Dan Anderson and Parker Hageman tried to show what it's like to pitch-frame a 100-mph fastball. It did not go well:

"You're gonna be on the whacking DL for a while" is a great line. (Also: They couldn't hit it either.)

• Read this Ben Lindbergh article about the Pirates' extensive use of sabermetrics and tell me the Twins aren't at a basic, fundamental disadvantage.

• Who will the Twins purge from the 40-man roster? Almost half of the players are droppable.

• My big takeaway from Mitch Williams' lawsuit is that MLB Network was paying him $2 million.

Benjy Bronk from Howard Stern's show is the guy who got tossed from Roger Goodell's press conference, which should not surprise any longtime Stern fans.

• My blog-mate Craig Calcaterra is one of 24 writers selected for Amtrak's residency program.

Andrew Baggarly is one of the best, most experienced baseball reporters around, but the San Francisco Giants are boycotting him for reporting something no one seems to deny happened.

• In addition to being dashingly handsome to the point of intimidation, Steve "Randball's Stu" Neuman tells a really good story.

• It turns out the new iPhones could be big news for schlubby guys.

• Chicago deep-dish pizza chain restaurant Giordano's is coming to Uptown, just a few doors down from Green Mill.

• Restaurant recommendation: The Bad Waitress has become one of my go-to spots. It's great for my fellow breakfast-for-dinner lovers and it's on Bite Squad.

• I still need two more owners for my "Hardball Dynasty" league on WhatIfSports. Details here.

• Some of this week's weird and random search engine queries that brought people here:

- "Happy dirty thirty"
- "Ron Gardenhire contract"
- "How much does Joe Nathan make per game?"
- "Who did the Nationals trade for Wilson Ramos?"
- "Marney Gellner rain delay dance"
- "Bill Smith on Seinfeld"
- "Is Justin Morneau French?"

• Finally, in honor of Jeter's retirement this week's AG.com-approved music video is "The Captain" by Kasey Chambers:


This week's blog content is sponsored by Uber, which is offering a free ride to first-time users who sign up with the promo code "UberGleeman."

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