AaronGleeman.com

• Stuff the internet was invented for: Buying, photographing, eating, and reviewing every item in an office vending machine. Godspeed.

• Having blitzed through the entire Kevin Pollak's Chat Show archive last week I've moved on to devouring all The Ricky Gervais Show podcasts, plus his older (and harder to find) radio shows. I'm now in love with Karl Pilkington and have come to the conclusion that I need to utilize the word "bollocks" far more in my writing.

• Seventeen years after beginning his professional career with the Saints, Kevin Millar is back playing independent ball in St. Paul.

• Jets wide receiver and former Super Bowl MVP Santonio Holmes got into trouble recently for doing something on a plane that I've done on every flight I've taken in the past three years.

• My favorite part of tasergate in Philadelphia is that the second doofus who ran onto the field warned his friends beforehand via Twitter and had drugs on him. When you can't be bothered to get rid of (or at least consume) the drugs you're holding before doing something essentially guaranteed to get you arrested ... well, maybe a tasering would have done him some good.

• And speaking of tasergate, this is one of the best photos I've ever seen. Seriously.

• Official Fantasy Girl of AG.com candidate Diora Baird's Twitter page is worth reading because she's funny, but posting self-shot pictures like this one also doesn't hurt.

• Phil Mackey's latest fantastic blend of traditional reporting and sabermetrics examined J.J. Hardy's defense. If you haven't already, you really ought to bookmark 1500ESPN.com's Twins page for all the great content Mackey and Tom Pelissero are pumping out. I'm jealous.

• My favorite Twins stat of the early season: They're batting .149 with zero homers when the bases are loaded. And they're on pace for 105 wins.

• I stay away from politics here, but it just seems wrong that the country's president is funnier than its most-watched talk show host:

In fairness, the president has better writers.

• You know things are going badly for the White Sox when someone else on the coaching staff is swearing more than Ozzie Guillen.

• Joe Posnanski describes exactly why I've never organized an AG.com get-together.

• I can't decide whether Jonah Hex will be the best movie of the year or the worst movie of the year, but after watching the preview I think it'll probably be one or the other.

• My latest weight-loss effort has apparently had a state-wide impact already. Unfortunately, after three straight months with zero slip-ups I fell off the wagon a bit this week. Still down 60 pounds, but I need to get back into a groove Monday or things can snowball. It's amazing how after just one little slip-up my brain immediately starts saying, "Aw screw it, eat whatever you want." I'm realizing more and more that may not be a battle I can ultimately win, but we'll see.

• How do I say this nicely? I'm sick of this Justin Bieber son of a bitch. He can't throw, either.

• Rondell White has filed a federal lawsuit against a financial adviser who allegedly defrauded him out of $1 million in a real estate scam. No word yet on if the Twins plan to sue White for the $5 million they paid him to hit .229/.266/.354 in 2006 and 2007.

• Before the Twins signed Orlando Hudson to play second base many people wanted them to go after Akinori Iwamura and Freddy Sanchez. Now one is injured and the other has already worn out his welcome.

• My obsession with Twitter hasn't weakened any and I'm trying to accumulate 5,000 followers to somehow justify all the time spent posting stuff on there, so give me a follow.

• Some of the highlights from my NBCSports.com blogging this week:

- Lance Berkman says the Astros should trade him
- Will the Royals actually play Kila Ka'aihue?
- Stephen Strasburg one step from majors after promotion to Triple-A
- GM says slumping Drew Stubbs won't be demoted
- Heavy workload catching up to Mets setup man Fernando Nieve
- Jim Tracy eschews save-based managing in win
- How bad is the Astros' offense? Really, really bad

• Finally, in honor of Guru passing away recently, this week's AG.com-approved music video is "You Know My Steez" by Gang Starr: