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Those are just a few highlights, but keep in mind that the entire column was only 671 words. As the complete hack of a comedian, Kenny Bania, once said, "That's gold, Jerry! Gold!"

UPDATE: With Andrei Kirilenko, Carlos Boozer, and Matt Harpring all injured, Humphries started at power forward for the Jazz last night. He had six points and three rebounds in 26 minutes ... and somehow managed two whole assists!

I'm not sure what the point of the team's star playing all 40 minutes in the first game of the year is, but I'm trying to avoid blaming Monson. After all, Grier could have broken his finger playing 25 minutes. The Gophers always play a very weak non-conference schedule, which means they should still be able to rack up quite a few wins while Grier is out for 4-6 weeks, but their chances of getting any "quality wins" before the Big Ten schedule starts are very slim.

I tried to explain to Rich how I could simultaneously think that Bush was an extremely good player and also somewhat overrated. I talked about how he didn't even lead USC in rushing last year (LenDale White did), and how I thought he was more of an all-around threat that strictly a running back. And now? Well, it's time to eat a little crow.

Peterson has had a disappointing, injury plagued season, rushing for just 787 yards (4.5 yards/carry) after gaining 1,925 yards (5.7 yards/carry) as a freshman. Meanwhile, Bush has arguably been the best player in the country, running back or otherwise. I watched in awe as he carved up Fresno State Saturday, piling up 294 rushing yards on 23 carries. Check out his season totals:

ATT       YDS     AVG     TD     REC     YDS      AVG     TD
163     1,398     8.6     13      31     383     12.4      2

After totaling a modest 908 yards (6.4 yards/carry) on the ground last season, Bush already has 1,398 rushing yards this year and has picked up an incredible 8.6 yards per carry. Toss in 383 yards catching the football and some good work as a return man and he would have my Heisman vote if the season ended today.

Of course, I still have some questions about his ability to be an every-down back in the NFL, particularly near the goal line, and I wonder how he'll fair when he doesn't have as many opportunities to run in open space. Still, there's no doubt that Bush is the best running back in the country, and I think his production has certainly caught up to his hype.

After watching USC and Fresno State go back and forth in a 50-42 game Saturday and seeing Texas absolutely steam roll Oklahoma State in the second half after being down big early a few weeks ago, I wouldn't be shocked to see an 80-point over/under, which is just crazy. Assuming both teams take care of business down the stretch, it could be one of the better title games in quite a while.

I have often wondered why ESPN doesn't put Simmons on TV more, since the majority of their programming these days revolves around writers yelling into a camera. Despite that, I can only remember seeing Simmons on ESPN once, and I think it was for about 10 seconds in one of those SportsCentury episodes on either the Red Sox or Celtics.

Well, I think I know the reason now, or at least one of the reasons. Simmons made a brief cameo on Monday Night Football this week, appearing in a funny skit for "60 Seconds With Jimmy Kimmel" at halftime. While watching it I noticed that Simmons has a fairly high voice, which may either keep ESPN from putting him on TV or keep Simmons from wanting to be on TV. Or not, who knows?

One thing that is for certain is that whether he sounds like Mike Tyson or Barry White I'd much rather listen to Simmons than guys like Stephen A. Smith and Jay Mariotti. Seriously, if you gave me the choice between Simmons speaking through one of those electrolarynx things for people who have lost their voice box or Woody Paige's dulcet tones, I'd take electro-Simmons in a heartbeat.