August 13, 2010


• Quote of the Week, courtesy of Ozzie Guillen: "Who gives a shit who's in town? How about, 'the White Sox are back in Chicago after a long trip.' Even my wife told me Minnesota is coming to town. I said, 'Good, you dating somebody from there? Who cares.'"

• If you learn anything from this week's Link-O-Rama, it's that you should be nice to every girl in high school just in case.

• This is admittedly saying a lot, but the "synopsis" of "Regulate" by Warren G and Nate Dogg is probably the best thing I've ever seen on Wikipedia.

• Sure, but does she know where to find me?

• I may save this article to have on hand the next time I'm in another city and someone brings up the notion of "Minnesota nice." It's a keeper, if only for the presence of brass-knuckles.

Johan Santana had kind of an up and down week.

Big deal. Call me when Mila Kunis' father's daughter decides to get into porn.

• I'm a little surprised the Twins didn't become free agents and shop their radio rights around to various stations, but their decision to sign a two-year extension with 1500-ESPN strikes me as a good thing. Phil Mackey and Tom Pelissero have done a very nice job covering the team as beat writers on and while a move back to WCCO may have been an option KFAN's general lack of interest in baseball seemingly would have made them a poor fit.

• Surely this will get the "Joe Mauer or Mark Prior?" debate stirring again.

• Not even cancer and the resulting hair loss can keep Maura Tierney from looking good.

• A confession: I make myself a drink before watching Mad Men each week.

If I'm feeling extra nerdy, I make it an old fashioned.

• I'd approve of this possible Steve Carell replacement on The Office as long as they promise he'll take attendance each morning.

• I'll have to consult with fellow members of the tribe to be certain, but much like with Lindsay Lohan a while back I'm not sure we necessarily want Amar'e Stoudemire even if he would be our best big man since Dolph Schayes.

• As a fatso who literally keeps his house at 68 degrees year-round, this makes a lot of sense.

• Last week I linked to a few anti-Mitch Albom rants that some of you felt were unfair even for criticism, so you may prefer the always great Joe Posnanski's more even-handed take-down.

• Earlier this month Dennis Green's son and former NFL analyst Jeremy Green was arrested on child pornography charges and the details that have since emerged are very sad.

• This extensive list of salaries for television stars is equal parts fascinating and maddening.

• Last month Seth Stohs essentially forced Amanda Bynes into retirement at age 24 through the sheer power of his mind, but now she's reconsidered.

• I remember renting this movie at like a dozen different sleepovers as a ... well, kid.

• As the world's biggest Lizzie Caplan fan, I approve of this message.

• Some long-awaited good (and sensible) news on the online-gambling front.

• Had gambling on your own grades been around when I was in college I might have actually stayed in school.

• I'm clearly the Inception of baseball bloggers.

• After reading this, I really feel like starting a Twitter "feud" of my own.

• Usually my favorite new television shows get canceled, but FX renewed Louie for Season 2.

• If you're like me and you enjoy Nick Nelson's excellent blog, you should read this interview.

• Two new(ish) blogs to check out: That's Twins Baseball and Glorious Nation of Hrbekistan.

• Here are some highlights from my blogging this week:

- Jason Heyward snaps 31-game homerless streak
- Mike Stanton is first 20-year-old with five-hit game since 1978
- This just in: Curtis Granderson can't hit left-handed pitching
- LaTroy Hawkins goes back on DL with more shoulder pain
- Javier Vazquez is worried about his declining fastball velocity
- Time for Indians to move Justin Masterson to the bullpen
- Randy Johnson is now the world's tallest music photographer
- Picked up for nothing, Pat Burrell has come up big for Giants
- Brandon Wood predictably collecting dust on Angels' bench
- David Price sets Rays' franchise record with 15th win

• Finally, because he was good when I saw him in Atlanta last week while attending the SABR convention, this week's music video is Eddie Spaghetti of the Supersuckers doing a live version of "Sleepy Vampire":

July 2, 2010


• Once upon a time Steve Carrell leaving The Office would have made me sad, but it's tough to get too worked up given how far the show has slipped recently. It was a good run.

Mariano Rivera is the greatest relief pitcher in baseball history and the New York Times has an amazing video breakdown that sheds some light on how he's been able to dominate for 15 years with basically one pitch.

• Despite being among the most brutal reviews of all time the Washington Post account actually increases my interest in a Courtney Love concert.

• Losing to the Twins wasn't even close to the worst part of Johan Santana's week. Setting aside everything else, my first question is what kind of maniac has sex and then immediately plays tennis?

• Starting next year the Mets will pay Bobby Bonilla a $1.2 million annual salary through 2035.

• While the TwinsCentric viewing party watched the Twins' ridiculous extra-inning win over the Phillies last week one of the televisions at Park Tavern showed an Amanda Bynes movie. We naturally spent the final few innings debating which movie it was, to the point that Seth Stohs missed Ryan Howard's game-ending strikeout because he was busy looking at her IMDB page on his phone. Less than 24 hours later Bynes retired from acting at age 24. Eerie, huh?

• Hopefully they'll also be able to trade him for Tom Gugliotta.

• Official Fantasy Girl of candidate Kelly Brook spent the week modeling various bikinis while on vacation. Surely no further commentary is necessary.

• Video of the "100 Greatest Movie Insults" is almost as not-safe-for-work as it is fun to watch:

My favorite is "go home and get your shine box," but anything from Alex Baldwin in Glengarry Glen Ross and R. Lee Ermey in Full Metal Jacket is pretty great too.

Ron Artest celebrated an NBA title just like you'd expect Ron Artest to celebrate an NBA title.

• I'm apparently one of the few people who loved Louis C.K.'s first show that got canceled by HBO after one season, so it's no surprise that I also love his new show on FX. They're running back-to-back episodes every Tuesday night and I highly recommend watching assuming that you enjoy things that are really funny. And if you've never seen his amazing stand-up before, watch this recent set on Lopez Tonight. If you don't laugh, we can't be friends any more.

Party Down deserved far better than to be canceled after two seasons on STARZ, but it was such a good show and so overlooked that most of the actors got better gigs. Adam Scott will be a regular on Parks and Recreation and my crush on Lizzy Caplan will live on forever.

Freaks and Geeks is another show that deserved much better, but at least the Independent Film Channel will now be home to the old episodes nearly a decade after NBC sadly canceled the series after one amazing season. IFC also has Arrested Development re-runs.

• There's still time for the Twins to choose him over Joe Mauer.

• Some rare good news from the newspaper world: Let go by the St. Pioneer Press a year ago, friend of Phil Miller has been hired full time by the Minneapolis Star Tribune after doing a bunch of part-time work for them recently. I'm a little sad that Miller will be covering Gophers football after previously reporting on the Twins and Timberwolves, but his writing is so good it might actually get me to read about Tim Brewster and company. Maybe.

Conan O'Brien can feel good knowing that at least no one is watching Jay Leno.

• My weight-loss effort was a total failure last month and the fact that there's a donut shop opening soon about a block from my house isn't going to help.

• Next time you get frustrated by a Twins baserunning mistake, remember Ruben Rivera:

Jon Miller's play-by-play really takes the clip to a whole new level.

• Rather than make some lame joke about fumbling, I'll simply link to Adrian Peterson and his Playboy-posing fiancee.

• Having chatted with him about such things, let's just say that this drawing of Jon Heyman is not a self-portrait.

David Kahn has accomplished in two years what two decades filled mostly with losing could not, because between the draft and first couple days of free agency I'm giving serious thought to picking a new favorite NBA team. Any suggestions?

• This song randomly got stuck in my head last week despite not hearing it for 15 years, and I defy you to find a superior lyric: "Leave you kinda startled like the funk off a Frito / Make your man jealous while hoes cheese like Doritos."

• Based on this quote, I'd guess Ron Gardenhire reads Twins blogs, but not this Twins blog or any of the Twins blogs I read.

• A pair of Twins blogs Gardenhire and you should check out: OMG MN Twins and Knuckleballs.

• For whatever reason I was very late to the Drew Magary party, but he's quickly become one of my favorite writers because of absurd-yet-interesting things like this. As for the question on the table, I'd definitely take the over on 25,000.

• Friend of and awesome poker writer Paul McGuire has a new book called Lost Vegas that I can guarantee will be worth reading.

• I've been writing the "Daily Dose" column on Rotoworld each weekday since April 3, 2006, so it definitely feels weird to say that today's is my 515th and final column.

• On a related note, here are some highlights from my blogging this week:

- Can Ubaldo Jimenez be the first 30-game winner since 1968?
- Stephen Strasburg's teammates let him down again in loss
- The next 300-game winner? How about Jamie Moyer?
- Pat Burrell apparently left his bat back in the National League
- White Sox are winning, so rookie Dayan Viciedo isn't playing
- GM says Carlos Zambrano's contract wasn't a bad deal ... and he's right
- White Sox reportedly targeting Nationals slugger Adam Dunn

• Finally, this week's music video is Eddie Vedder joining Bruce Springsteen for a live version of "No Surrender":